Hungry, Dazed and Standing in front of the Fridge!

I know what it is, I just can't put it into words. I awoke with this haunting hunger this morning. It feels like hunger, a longing for sustenance. A knowing or feeling of satisfaction. It's like standing in front of the fridge, hungry but not finding anything appealing in the fridge.


Looking around in the fridge, moving items to see if there is an answer to my hunger. Is that yesterday's leftovers? It wasn't anymore satisfying yesterday than it looks today. I won't try that one again. I will eventually end up throwing that one out after I let it sit and grow moldy. Ah! I see that green jello salad of yesteryear. The one that was always offered at Mormon gatherings. The pat answer that was supposed to be refreshing and satisfying. Everyone knew how to make it and it was eaten without question. Still not refreshing nor satisfying.

Can it be that the hunger is bigger than this fridge can contain? Is it Universal? Is this part of the Plutonian hunger that we are feeling all around? Is it just the sense of 2012?

If I take a bite of this or that and still feel dissatisfied? Then what? Move on to the next sampling? How long till we come to the higher sense? The enlightened place of satisfaction?


I would hate to be stuck trying to feed myself the same meal over and over again, only to hope that the next feeding would make me a bit more satisfied. I am grateful to have choices and experiences in knowing despite the lingering hunger.



The question arises...Did I plan for this hunger? Was there something I could have shopped for prior to the onslaught of hunger pains? How did we know this time of hunger would be here and yet still voluntarily sign up to participate in it?

Is this a thirst or a hunger?Is it both?





How blessed can one be to be able to sample. What a time we live in! Knowing we are free to rummage through the fridge in search of something to satisfy our hunger! Mindful of those who can not, will not or are truly unable to choose.







Could take-out be the answer? Should I go to a far off exotic place to feast on the wisdom and talents of knowing from others? Could knowing by an other's hand be as satisfying? Can the flavor of a place other than my own bring me the satiated sense of comfort that I long for? I longed for the opportunity to do just that when I saw the peaceful glow a dear friend had upon her return from Bali. Did her sense of knowing get satisfied? Would that kind of experience be right for my hunger?

At his point I know that a potluck will have to occur before I can find the satiating balance I long for. A place to feed my soul and nurture myself. Staying hungry today. Is that cookies I smell?

Sweat and Tears

I was sitting in the sauna the other day and realized that the amount of sweat coming out of my skin was incredible. Was it just sweat, simply the excretion of moisture to cool my body in a terribly hot situation or was it a purging of water and toxins from my body. Likely both. Like sweat, tears also serve multiple purposes. Tears are our way to purge emotions good, bad or ugly. Emotions in themselves can be toxic or healthful. Like sweat, tear's chemical make up is that of saline and water. The vehicle of release for our bodies. I can't control for tears in certain environments and I can't control for sweat in certain environments...funny how that works out. Tears or sweat will come without my say. It's like trying to capture an ocean in your hand. Stopping tears or sweat is just as futile.

Tears over sadness and joy ...both are equal, a reaction to the stimuli. Sweat in physical pressure or stress, a reaction to stimuli.

Sometimes I hear my brother saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff kiddo!" and wonder what is small stuff when we usually can't control for any of it, big or small!

Sometimes I hear my mother saying, "Don't cry over spilled milk!" and know that even the tiniest amount of loss can still account for a tear.

Looking at the past few years and knowing what has gone by and what has transpired has ranked as some of the toughest times in my life. The tears of joy, babies being born, marriages, new opportunities for happiness and especially the new relationships that bring happiness to our lives.

The tears of sadness, heartache and broken hearted. The tears of disappointment over loss, my shortcomings and the voids left unfilled in our lives.

Do these equal the amount of sweat I have also shed? I think it has. Sweat over moving to a new home, renting out the old house, a new job, working to improve my health and attitude. Sweating over a worry, approval of others, meeting deadlines, making appointments, finding time to make everyone feel valued and wanted. Sweating over my shortcomings and failures. Knowing it is just that reaction to something internal and how I define it. My tears or my sweat. I own them. I have to learn to let them be. Let them flow. I have to find the purpose in their function and hope to gain insight into how they heal and give fluidity to my life and my life song. Now it is just that, time to swim in my sweat and tears. Taste them, be mindful of them and to also rinse them off to not allow them to cloud my vision.

2012 is here and now I can't know and understand what I am supposed to do but am ready for it none the less. All of it worthwhile in in purpose. Grateful.