Leaving a note to my daughter, how can I say these things? Will you hear me and feel me? Are you able to sense the clarity? Please listen and feel and know how deeply you are loved and supported!
There is such wisdom that I don't even understand in this lifetime. I remember from my past, laying on the sands on a beach in Moorea, Tahiti and cry my soul out to the melodic song of Pachelbel Cannon in D Minor on a loop from my Walkman tape cassette player. Wanting and longing to know what will come of the future and what I will become as a person. I felt so lost. I felt so frightened and alone. I longed to have someone tell me that this very longing to know was hardwired in me from the beginning. That challenge to think, to see and to feel. I was different that what I perceived my kind was. Those that were in my family, those that were my peers. I was longing on a deeper level and in vibration to that journey's end! I was beautiful in my rawness and in my humanity. In tears and a sense of sadness, I was alone, on my own. No one to rescue me, no one to stop the pain and searing aches of growth and independence. My fragility was divine just as designed. I longed for my knowing and my soul tribe.
Watching you grow has been amazing! Knowing your divine self is humbling. Thankful to be able to witness this and be mindful of it is earth shaking. You walk differently, you carry your soul differently. I am proud of you and your journey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpC8gQZT9HY
I get this life in a completely different way than I did at twenty-one, thirty or even yesterday's age of forty-nine. I see my purpose with clarity only in looking at my past, my children and my community. I see my fragility in listening to what others say and how I interpret the inner language of my disappointment in my present moment.
I now hear what I couldn't hear yesterday. I see what I couldn't see yesterday. I feel what I refused to yesterday. Each day it is given another opportunity to celebrate another chance. To allow for the process to flow over me and to be acutely aware of my human experience.
"Be Still, My Soul" by Catharina von Schlegel, 1697-?
Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897
1. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.2. Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.3. Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.4. Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.Hymn #651
The Lutheran Hymnal
Text: Psalm 46:10
Author: Catharine Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel, 1752, cento
Translated by: Jane Borthwick, 1855
Titled: "Stille, mein Wille"
Composer: Jean Sibelius, b. 1865, arr.
Tune: "Finlandia"
