The best is yet to come!

Here it is January 31st, 2009. I was sitting in the car parked in the Fred Meyer parking lot trying to remember what I drove there for. Then on the car stereo came the song "The Best is yet to Come" by Michael Buble. I was stricken. As reflective as I have been this past six months, this still struck me to silence. I have to admit I think this song is for me to sing to myself but also to all the people in my life. I have felt as if I was crawling out of my shell or cocoon of forty five years. I have seen the face in the mirror, I have felt the scars. Reality has been faced everyday and still embraced with acknowledgement and love. Acknowledgement for the choices I have made and the path I have chosen. Acknowledgement for the peace and the sadness. Acknowledgement for the steps of unfinished work and direction. Love for myself and my life, love for my weaknesses and short-comings. Love for my wrinkles and twinkles.

I look back on the path and see the steps I have taken and the places I have stumbled. I have seen the parts that I left the path and strayed in the dark for a while wondering "what the hell am I doing with my life?". There were places I just plopped down and felt sorry for myself along the path. Places that I ran instead of walked and even places where I ran with scissors! Amazing I didn't hurt myself along the way. Everything seemed recoverable, meaning I recovered just fine and in some cases, I recovered coming out better than how I went in.

So with that in mind. I am so grateful for who I have become. I think I have to say that looking back at the family photo album was a good exercise for me. Each year we take family pictures as part of our family tradition. I have kept them all and have them in a photo album. I looked at the smile I had in each picture, compared it to the message my eyes were saying. They were not in line with each other. But in the observation of this years' photo as compared to last years...well there is something much more to behold. This past year I have my sparkle back, my posture, my eyes now match my smile and my heart is clearly visible in both of them. For this I am grateful.

I can believe that whatever is coming next is going to be great! Going to outshine this past year and all the other years that stand behind me. I am excited to experience it all and know that my kids will grow and shine, my work will expand and fulfil, my friends will increase and be such a wonderful enhancement to my days!

So to that I can say Happy New Year! I mean it! Yay! 2010 here I come!

The best is yet to come.

Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum.

You came along and everything's startin to hum.

Still, it's a real good bet, the best is yet to come.

Best is yet to come and babe, won't that be fine?

You think you've seen the sun, but you ain't seen it shine.

a-Wait till the warm-up's underway.

Wait till our lips have met.

An wait till you see that sunshine day.

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

The best is yet to come and babe, won't it be fine?

Best is yet to come, come the day you're mine.

Come the day you're mine,

I'm gonna teach you to fly.

We've on tasted the wine,

We're gonna drain the cup dry.

Wait till your charms are right for these arms to surround,

You think you've flown before, but baby, you ain't left the ground.

a-Wait till you're locked in my embrace,

Wait till I draw you near.

a-Wait till you see that sunshine place,

Ain't nothin' like it here.

The best is yet to come and babe, won't it be fine?

The best is yet to come, come the day you're mine.

Come the day you're mine,

And you're gonna be mine!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know you are super busy this time of year. I feel your pain as I too have been the busiest ever this year and now facing the holidays, I see the frenzy my world has spun into. With that acknowledgement I want you to know how much I appreciate your role in my life. You are that piece of magic that brings tears to my eyes when I am sad at the holidays. You are the smile that beams across the face of my children and friends on the morning after your arrival. You are that feeling in my heart when I have accomplished my shopping, cards and notes and baking and wrapping. You are my sense of accomplishment. Much like what I experienced in other times of my life.

Thank you! Thank you for granting me your spirit of giving. Giving to myself and to my loved ones. Giving of myself and of my abilities. Thank you for being in my culture and in my heart and thoughts.

So now comes the secondly most important part of my letter to you. "The Ask"! Yes still with the belief of a small child I have an "Ask" for you. I ask because I have worked so hard to be a good girl this year, I ask because I believe you still wield power in my heart and that in itself has the potential to manifest itself in so many ways.

Dearest Santa, I ask of you that my children know they are loved. That they feel the power and beauty of their individual worth in my eyes and in the Universe. I ask that you grant us the harmony to make it through the holiday season safely and with peace, good health and love for each other. I ask that you bring them this sense this year. Grant them their hearts desires and dreams that only you can.

Dearest Santa, I ask of you to know and spread the love I have for my friends. I ask that you would grant them their comfort, peace, health and safety. In this crazy time in all our lives, I ask that you, dearest Santa, bring them what they need.

Dearest Santa, I ask that you bless the world with a slower pace, a chance to see each other's faces, to feel of the season not of the holiday, it is long lost. The world spins faster each day, the moments get lost so quickly. Help us hang on to them.

Dearest Santa, I ask for myself lastly, to brighten my horizon, bless me with the moments of grace, beauty and peace that I long for this season. Bless me with quiet time and the strength to see the moment. Bless with me with a comfortable hot bath, a long session of a loved one brushing my hair, hours of peaceful sleep and deep and rewarding dreams. Bless me with the skills to do more than last year, to feel and hear the voice that drives my soul. Bless me with the power and intuition to move mountains and people so that the world is a better place. Bless me with the gifts you gave me in past years in a more enhanced way...update my program and make me better this year. Help me see more, be more and feel more, love more, work more efficiently, hug longer, see deeper, breathe clearer. Dearest Santa, Give me nothing more of the material things but of the gifts of life and the gifts of the Universe. Enhance me to be a better mom, a better leader, a better friend, a better lover, a better sister, aunt, cousin, daughter and person.

Dearest Santa, I hope these things I ask are carried in the amount of space that resembles a thimble. I hope their weight is light and their gifts eternal. I know you are that universal spirit of all that we can believe in.

Thank you Santa!

P.S. I think red is your best color and I will be listening for you!

For Kristina

My gift to you. I have nothing to offer that you have not already received in this lifetime. I am in awe of all that you are and that you possess. Your life, your love, your joy, your beauty and your heart. For what is in and out is all around you like the wind and the air.

The wind chime hangs on the eve, in the tree and in the place that it longs to be heard and touched by the wind. Resonating with movement and keeping all consciousness in the present moment when heard and reflecting on the inner and outer part of us.

Like the constant presence of a friend, it is moved by the wind of life. Changed and moved to the tempest of things that occur in the atmosphere and in our worlds. For it's chimes are unique, like friendship. Clashing and tuning, singing and crying and vibrating at a level that is unique to its composition. Be they wood, crystal, porcelain, glass, metal, all have their make up based upon our the forces that have forged them.

Sometimes its' chime can cheer us when we need to hear its music to help us go on, sometimes it can break our heart when we are sad. Sometimes it is still. Only recognized in a glance. Noticeable in the background.

I think you are strong like metal, warm like wood, delicate like porcelain and brilliant like crystal or glass. Hanging in the balance of this humanity. Singing, resonating and being you. Unique to your journey, your call and your gift. Created to sing just the un-duplicated song that is your example. Like a snowflake, no two people or wind chime is the same. Each responding to the winds of life and the Universe in its own way. Taking into the air your song, your message and sharing that beauty and kindness for those just ready for it. Hanging, clashing, strongly in the wind, a tailor made song for those in tune and in that listening moment.

Noble and fragile, simple and complex. Just what you were designed for. That is your legacy, your stamp on life.

You are incredible in design and in construction. Brilliant in balance and music. You are that terrific sound I hear in my heart when I think of you my dear friend. I will be mindful of your chime, your song. I will recognize it the dark and in the light. I will understand it in a storm and in a gentle breeze.

You are glorious.

In a room full of company...

There was this moment when I stopped talking and thought internally about the reality of the moment. I had my best sweater on. I knew my hair was clean, I knew I was presentable but something still drove the mental vehicle out of control. Here we are in a room full of company, not strangers, not alien, in a comfortable setting, familiar surroundings. Just talking choosing our words carefully and minding many aspects of our humanity. Does our breath smell, is my lipstick on straight, did I remember deodorant? Does she understand what I am saying? How can he say that and not understand the impact on what I am feeling? Where is that quiet? How can that be held? The holidays are here and yet we are not alone. Not really alone with our thoughts and our feelings. We are never as truly vigilant as we are are among those in our family and friends and people who know us most or more.

In a room full of strangers the inner dialogue continues but with a different spin. Do I look like that? I wouldn't want to be with them too long. How does she do it? Where is the sanity for this person? Are they always so negative? Is it just a place of constant downer? Can they not find happiness in anything? Do they know how hard it is to focus on their story? Good thing thing they don't know what I am really like when I loose my cool! Sigh!

It is easier to be in a room full of company or strangers sometimes than to be in a room alone, by myself and with myself. I think that it is a distraction from the self analysis we endure to be in a room full of company. Aren't we our own worst critic? Aren't we the one person on the entire earth that truly knows what we are capable of, what we should measure up to? Aren't we the one person who knows best how to take care of ourselves but we fail to listen. Fail to breath life into the conversation with ourselves. For fear? For lack of conversation? For a loss of words? For the void of feeling? Can we just listen? Feel and breath into each thought feeling and action? Knowing we were created for this purpose and many more? Knowing that each and everything happens for a reason. Each thought, each action, each feeling and they are all somehow intrinsically connected? I am learning to feel at home in my own skin and in my own thoughts. I am thankful for the silence that is in my life and also grateful for the noise as well. I will celebrate them both! Cheers!

Mountain through the Hills

It was stunning. I thought I had lost my breath. As I drove over the crest of the hill, there it was staring me in the face. That range of mountains that I had failed to see for many days. I had missed it for perhaps many months. The clouds were gone. The air was clear. Sunny and bright. Nothing barring my view. The snow covered mountains that all along were so near to me and yet seemed so far away. In the past I had felt so far from them. So devastated by the altitude and work that was required from me to overcome them. To climb them, to see past the hill into the horizon. It appeared that it was not achievable.

Now there they were for me just as if they had been there all along. Right in front of me and right behind me.

Seeing the Mountains through the hills. "Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better." -Albert Einstein

The hills have me challenged. Stress, loves, worries, tasks too big for me to realize. I had forgotten my way. Forgotten where I came from. Forgotten the commitment to cross this path, this journey to accomplish this trek. A deep breath, a warming sense of knowing. I felt alive again. I feel appreciative to have the sight, the vision and the feeling of achievement before me, behind me and yet still standing on the hill and able to see where I been and where I am going. I see the lows and the highs. I know that this feeling has to carry me. I am carrying on.