The Gumball Analogy: Chewing on it!

Growing up, I remember having a quarter at just the right time.  That magical moment when we are walking past the gumball machine and asking for a gumball, hopeful that permission would be granted by my parents.  In the face of disapproval from my parents, I would convince them that I would not play with it and that I had the money to secure my own gumball without imposing on their wallet. With probable regret my parents would acquiesce and I would feel the exhilaration of ownership for the world best gumball that surely awaited me magically in that gumball machine.
I would put my quarter in the machine and hope that my hands were strong enough to turn the knob to release the behemoth of a gumball.  I can hear my mother saying, "That is just too much gum for any one person, let alone a kid!".  I didn't care! I wanted it, badly. I wanted to be able to chew endlessly and blow bubbles while thinking how cool I was. All the cool kids at school had gum on a daily basis.  My upbringing usually didn't provide for bubble gum.  My mom was a Wrigley's or Juicyfruit kind of mom.  Every kid knows that those brands don't make for good bubble blowing, especially with one paltry stick that was typically doled out with wisdom.  Mom would say, "Don't smack your gum!" or "You are chewing your gum like a cow chews their cud!".  That would take all of the revelry out of chewing gum.  This is what led to the closet chewing, smacking and bubble blowing.
When we came back to the United States from my Father's southeast Asian tour of duty, the bubblegum rage had hit it's all time peak for kids!  The debut of  "BubbleYum" was God's gift to all kids privileged to live in America!  Soft, sweet and packed with sugar! Softeners and sugar, what a recipe for addiction!  It was packaged in blocks, big enough to strangle an elephant. We didn't care, the thrill of smuggling it into class and being talented enough to keep it under our tongue during school was the ultimate mission impossible. In this season of the upcoming Hallow's Eve, this was the epiphany of all of my greatest hopes...free gum! Not realizing that nothing was free in the world at that time, I felt the pay off of free gum was well worth the drudgery of bracing myself against the cold, rainy even snowing night to acquire the gift of the season, myriads of gum potential!  Being able to make it last was the champion mindset, don't share it or trade it with your siblings!  Covert chewing and perseverating became the ultimate in skill sets and the gateway drug to adult OCD.

We know that chewing during an interview is bad form, chewing gum while taking photographs is also taboo, but even more invaluable, avoiding swallowing your gum if you are trying to eat while chewing gum. Mastery of walking, talking and chewing gum was the greatest second only to the runway walk as a young teen upon seeing Brooke Shields take New York and Calvin Klein hostage with her moxy! How does this transfer into adulthood? Well, honestly I haven't quite been able to wrap my mind around the complete understanding but will share some insights I have gleaned in the past few days of chewing on it!
Thinking about the things I chew on now is rather enlightening to me. Much like chewing on gum, I have been chewing on the recordings in my head as an adult that secretively kept me in my closet of doubt, fear and insecurities. Thinking if I just roll it over in my mind, picking a pace of mindful mastication would some how get me to that juiciful flavor of enlightenment.  I surely would be able to understand it better, get to that morsel of truth or untruth that was hidden deep inside among the softeners of years and colorings that the life experiences have provided.
I realized at my recent thirtieth high school reunion that I was not chewing on the important parts of my memories but the perceived memories and implanted insecurities that I have carried with me in a suitcase full of gum, ABC gum...Already Been Chewed!  There I said it, confessing to myself that I have hung on to these pieces of my past and their faulty beliefs that have kept me in the same line for far too long, the line of customs and hoping to gain something from the past that I have missed and longed for.  I would venture to guess that if there was a line for gum customs in the universe, we would all be holding onto some of the very same old pieces of our past.  Those recordings of doubt and insecurities, our friends, ex, or parent's voice, chiding us to do better, be better and especially to pay attention.  Being on alert, sniper alert has made us the proverbial pack rat of inner recordings and dialogues in reflection what could of, would of, or should of happened.  So if it is that piece of Samsonite or even a duffel bag that houses your cares, open it up.  Look at it for what it is, just pieces of your past.

Just like after Halloween, the customary sorting and trading of candy and gum on the living room floor, we must take on the task of sorting and trading our memories/recordings and identifying them as necessary or unnecessary.  Surely this gigantic piece of emotional luggage is not required to finish our journey into happiness and self acceptance.  Here lies the great task, finding a safe place to sort, choosing the safe pace at which to sort and discard, finding what is really important and most assuredly an integral part of our truest, highest self.  Realizing that some of those stored recordings and messages share similar qualities like color and shape, or flavor or origin is the beginning of the inventory of our lives and thoughts.  We can choose to sort them in a generation or era of our lives.  We can choose to sort them connected to a relationship of importance.  Sometimes we don't remember how our child mind made sense of such an event or how our heart welcomed the pain in residency.  There was always room for just one more, only because we were still listening to the previous recordings of judgement.  At some point, an intervention is completely necessary for the hoarder.  Maybe it is an intervention of family or friends, or a self inflicted intervention of frustrations due to what we want in our lives. I am believing that now is my season of sorting and discarding of those old recordings and messages.  I am making room for the future of bounty and joy.  I am happy to purge that piece of Samsonite that houses the inaccurate recordings, the hurtful and untrue parts of my past that I have kept alive.  Now is the time for the greatest haul of sweets in my life..the time to sort out and keep the good stuff and eliminate that which no longer serves me or inhibits my growth and evolution! Here's to chewing on it, through it and blowing that bubble of self appreciation!