Weathering the perfect storm of change.

I thought I was a great and powerful survivor in storms.  Now I am weathering out the most incredible storm of my existence.  The storm of finding my inner self.  I had watched the stars and horizon for this perfect storm but fell into distraction of busy work and preparing my mind for durability. Exercising my strength in my mind to feel strong and tenacious in every way.  Keeping my guard and secrets from the world and myself. They were serving the purpose they were designed for, helping me be strong and survive.  Where did the secrets and hard shell come from? I can't remember. I have locked that so deep inside me that even I can't find the why and when it was created.

I am shedding and molting.  This struggle is immense.  Continually pulling at my soul and heart to tear away the layers of hardness and roughness.  I was numb to the hardness until the storm put me in between a rock and a hard place.
Like most crabs being between a rock and a hard place is not one of unfamiliarity.  We cling to the rocks and manage to be tenacious in the surf.  Not allowing anything except the tides move us.  Now looking at the storm and crawling into the crevices of rocks and tide pools of my heart, I am wedging my shell against my soul.  Prying my hard exterior against the strength of the earth and Universal influences.  The rocks immovable and anchored are my hope to survive. Rocking myself back and forth in rhythm to the surge of the storm.  Each movement helps me shed and pull against my own tough shell and skin.  Rocking as I sob and pull and tear.  Feeling the tingle and sear of the salt on my tender soul as it escapes the hard exterior I have come to know as this life's persona.

The powerful surge of wind and waves rocks my heart and soul.  Some anxiety fills my mind and soul. I must breathe, breathe the sea mist and know I am exactly as I should be, in the right place at the exact time, perfectly designed for my experience in the Universe.  I can feel the tenderness and roughness and hear the waves roar and bark at my soul.  I fight the inner judgement and doubt that arise with every pull.  Keeping my eyes on the rock.  Holding fast and tight.  Singing out to those others in the surf.  Singing a sad and powerful cry of longing and struggle.  For, with the song comes the powerful inner dialogue of pain, confusion and fear.  Will I be strong enough?  Am I able to know just the right moments to step aside and let the Universal storm shape me?  It is the now of the push, the now of the moment that frees my eyes and brain to knowing and feeling.  Swaying in the current, clinging to what I know and what I am destined to be.  I can not see that destiny but truly trust it in the hopes of survival for my soul and mankind.

Nurturing myself with the particles of light and love that the rock I cling to provides.  It is all I can manage.  In the storm, nourishment is small and found in the rhythm of the surge.  My lungs are filled with conscious breaths and long exhales from my heart.  That space at the bottom of my heart to the back of my heart that sends those waves of emotional vibration into the frequency of the Universe.  I am present. Calm and strong. Slowly knowing this is my prescribed storm just as I had asked for in the place of evolution.  Coming into the sea of evolution and growth.  This time I will get it right.  This is my time to gain the understanding and power to do more, be better and shine with my new skin. I am calling to the storm, mindful of its power and caressing my tender change within and without.

I can feel the rhythm and rocking of the storm changing, becoming more manageable.  I can see my new exterior now, the hardness of me lies next to me, empty and drifting on the sea floor.  Its color has changed, once filled with blue and brown, it now seems gray and dark.   I have much to do but, long to see the new me. I long to know how I will shine and vibrate to the level of my destiny.  There is no mirror on the sea floor. I must ride this out till the storm passes.  It is then I will climb to the top and bask in the sunshine after the storm.  I feel the slowing rhythm coming.  I hear the sounds of sonic waves and their vibrations from the storm.  Soothing and slowing. Not judging but encouraging me to breathe. Just breathe. Deeply and with trust. Gaining a radiance of hope and confidence.  I can see my feet and hands in my view, grounded and strong with a new color.  A tender golden glow to them.  It is passing. I must listen to the timing of my soul and the Universal sea.  The message is there in the storm and in its wake. Taking note in my mind, heart and soul. Ready to know and be filled with the sunlight of the radiant knowledge after this storm is gone. Swaying in the tide. Grateful and mindful.