Just a bitch?

Men never get called a bitch. Imagine what that would be like! Just think how they might feel if we called them a bitch? Go ahead and do it in your head and think of that one manipulative person you know in your life right now that has been the bane of your existence.  now imagine his response to being called a bitch.  I know that it was powerful wasn't it? I bet you are smiling!
Because as much as women want to be thought of as smart, assertive and worthy of respect, we certainly don’t want to be thought of as bitches.
Or do we? After all, the term “bitch” is really just a rhetorical tool for turning confidence, dignity and power into things that are unseemly. It’s a personal attack that’s used to make any woman who seeks or displays these characteristics into something ugly, fearful, even bestial. In short, it’s used to keep us in our place and out of the old boys’ club.
“Bitches get stuff done.” – Tina Fey
Perhaps it’s time we flipped the script and stopped letting the bitch label hold us back. Maybe it’s time to replace the golden rule – be a bitch.

As women, our fear of the dreaded bitch label is so strong and so pervasive that it affects our behavior in ways we don’t even recognize. It alters the way we communicate, how we speak and how we’re treated. Subtle word choices and statements weaken women’s voices in the world, and something as small as changing how you say things can help you start reclaiming the respect you deserve. Here are just two of the many ways to start being a bitch who speaks her mind:

Stop saying “I’m sorry.” There’s a time and a place to apologize. .

Stop modifying your statements. “I’m sorry, but…” isn’t the only phrase women use to sabotage the strength of their statements. “Could you do me a favor and…” is another one. “I totally get where you’re coming from, but…” and “I was wondering if there was any way we could…” are two more. Phrases like these litter our speech, and each time we use one, we weaken our own voices. Stop being so afraid of being called a bitch and just say what you mean and what you want. Don’t apologize for it, and don’t water it down. When you say what you mean, you’ll be heard, understood and respected.

Is everyone going to be a huge fan of the new straightforward you? Probably not. In finding your voice and speaking with clarity, you do risk getting called a bitch. But you’ll also get your point across, and all powerful women will tell you that clear communication is vital for success.

Powerful Women Set Standards and Stick to Them
It’s hard to become a successful female if you don’t have a core set of principles to guide you. The most successful women set standards for themselves, for their families, for their work and for their image. Unfortunately, bold and decisive females are often greeted with more disdain than respect. Stick to your guns and you don’t get congratulated for being professional, you get criticized for being a bitch.

“Just because I have my standards, they think I’m a bitch.” – Diana Ross
So what do you do if that’s the penalty for sticking up for what you believe in? You do it anyway. When you put your heart and soul into what you do and the people around you don’t live up to your standards, then calling them out on it does not make you a bitch. It makes you serious. It’s what you do when you want people to know that if they waste your time, you won’t just smile and take it.
 

Gaslighting is a term often used by mental health professionals (I am not one) to describe manipulative behavior used to confuse people into thinking their reactions are so far off base that they’re crazy.

The term comes from the 1944 MGM film, Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman. Bergman’s husband in the film, played by Charles Boyer, wants to get his hands on her jewelry. He realizes he can accomplish this by having her certified as insane and hauled off to a mental institution. To pull of this task, he intentionally sets the gaslights in their home to flicker off and on, and every time Bergman’s character reacts to it, he tells her she’s just seeing things. In this setting, a gaslighter is someone who presents false information to alter the victim’s perception of him or herself.

When someone gaslights you, they try to create the perception that your very real, very rational concerns and reactions are silly. More than just disagreeing with you, they annihilate your objection as a whole, as well as your right to have one. The more you’re gaslighted, the more you become like Bergman’s character. You start to deny your own reactions, to suppress your thoughts instead of speaking up. After all, you don’t want everyone to think you’re a crazy bitch, right?

“Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.” – Ingrid Bergman
You could simply be a bitch and do what bitches do – stand your ground. Explain exactly how you’re being manipulated, then reiterate your point and your right to have it acknowledged.
It’s no wonder. Throughout our lives, women are taught to behave in ways that are completely contrary to their goals. We’re expected to water down our statements when we mean to assert ourselves, to accept the respect we get instead of demanding the respect we deserve, and to do everything we can to avoid being called a bitch. In short, it’s not working out.  Don’t be nice. Be a bitch.  We might just change where we stand.