Re-do considerations!

There is something intrinsically reminiscent about fall.  I can sit or stand for great lengths of time viewing the leaves changing and feel the temperature of the world shift slowly from the summer heat to a sunny cool fall.  Obtaining a gazed expression while climbing deep into my memory I begin the journey. What is it that was good about this past summer and spring?  I realized there was a great deal of drama and crisis to reflect upon. Graduation, weddings, birthdays, apologies and appreciation given.

The mind races through the memories as if they were sound bites of a few mere seconds with snap shots and emotions wired into each of them.  I felt I hadn't been present enough in those moments. I hadn't given myself more time to sit and relax and relish the souls of those I was around.  I spent so much energy being minutes and days ahead of where I should have been. I often stayed in the future worrying so much I forgot the event and left the unspeakable burden of collecting memories to my unconscious mind.

I missed remembering hugging my son, complimenting my daughters and sincerely just being present in their presence. I forgot how hard I laughed and only remembered how hard I cried.  I spent so much time worrying that I often didn't plan to breathe in life and went into auto pilot burdening my unconscious mind to make sure I was still supporting my physical body's needs.  I was lost in the worry and the thoughts that robbed me of the joy and tenderness I so craved and dreamt of coming in the someday scenarios of "when"!

I want a summer redo! I want a "Do over!" to make things better, to regain my moments, to relish the fragile parts of my life and to admire the moments of super hero strength!  I want  to go back and make sure I actively archive my moments from the summer. Archive them in complete surreal Technicolor and smell-a-vision! I want a redo for the big moments and small moments. I want to redo and save the tokens of affection from my loved ones, from the birthdays and other events that marked time and space for this journey called my life! I want to find the goodie bag with the talismans of wisdom from the quiet moments, sad moments and the happy moments!

I am stepping into today with a stronger sense of self, a greater desire than I have ever had before. I am taking this moment and the coming moments to be more present. I am now, I am the beholder, I am co-creating my reality with my love not my worry or fears! Yes there are second chances at tomorrow but not yesterday. I am taking the chance again each day to be more present and aware and grateful and loving!