There were a few select times in my life that I felt close. A few times that I never shared with another person. Times when I was alone and in or at peace. Times I stood alone. I felt that awesome fear. The fear that I was small, the knowing that I would and could be completely engulfed by all.
There are places that I hold dear to those memories. I long to feel that. Rarely ever to be equaled. There were times before I had children. Times when my children were born and times when I am at home in the northwest.
I feel the greater sense of something. That echo inside of me that tells me that this is true but a mere shadow of home. Of where I am from and where I will return.
Do you think there is night time or sunset in the place we deem heaven? I can imagine that it is never dark. As celestial beings we would always be brilliant, always be shinning and the presence of heaven would be so bright it would shine brighter than the sun. Then why would we think that heavenly beings need sleep? As humans we must be ruled by this clock. Is it because our souls never sleep and if our bodies, as human as they are, must be ruled here on earth by the need for sleep and rest and darkness? If not we would burn our human-ness out in a few short weeks. Leaving lives untouched, uncreated and unfulfilled. Was it not infinite wisdom to give us the night so that we would temper our pace while on the earth? Stretch it out, make time for time? Allow us the pace to learn our lessons and feel our feelings in our human experience? It seems to keep our humanity locked in rhythm to the earth to slow our celestial speeds down to be able to exist in this plane/plain of relativity.
Thus it is even more brilliant and wondrous how we are created to be ruled by the dark and the moon but give so little credence to it in our life today. It drives the waves, changes life and death, makes for seasons, and keeps us from burning out as beings. How infinite that wisdom is to me.
I had felt I was so close at one time that I could reach out and touch home. Touch eternity. Know exactly where I was from. What I was here for and what I was to be. Then in a flash it all vanished. I begged for that closeness once again on many occasions. The confusion of my humanity keeps me wanting. Wanting the window, the view, the understanding of the why and the who.
I can find moments in the day when I can sit back and say...I get that, yes it makes sense. Then there are moments when my comprehension is fogged by emotion and fear. When I cry out in pain wondering why do I have to feel this way. What will it prove, how will this move my life to the next level of my being?
Very few places on earth have touched me in that way. Very few places and moments have given me the clarity of eternity as those cherished few have.
Upon awakening I am longing for the sleep, but yet upon my living I am longing for eternity. Is this a trial or just a journey asking myself again and again.
Ocean Size Love
I know what I'm doing may be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of it leaves me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we were delicate and small
And the space between me is my redemption.
I see you in front of me, as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave, this daydream yet.
And if I seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with and ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love.
I don't have to worry any more
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought that I'll be there is my protection
I see you right in front of me, a vision in my head
And I know this is as real, as a daydream gets.
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
But it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send me a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love.
You make no sound, but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends, like the sea, like you for me.
And it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love
And it might seem much too far, to get back to where you are
And it's close enough, with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me, send a sign across the sea
And I'll pick it up, with an ocean size love.
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