I woke this morning with this topic fresh in mind. Who and what is my muse? I didn't really think about it much before now, so this is an unusual place for me. An honest and raw place that I feel compelled to go. Taking a big deep breath to launch my truths.
Where do I really get the inspirations for these blogs and any of my other writings? At first easily answered in saying that my muse is my pain. The pain and sadness and frustration that surfaced during my journey. Being alone in facing my demons and having to listen to my heart while the Universe sets out a vibrational signal of code for me to follow. That code is the communication of my guides, holding up a cosmic mirror to reflect the inner truths and rawness of my humanity. The vibrational code much like the tones from the aliens that came to visit in the movie "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" with Richard Dreyfus. In that movie he struggles to make sense of the tonal melody that resonates in his being, until that fateful day that he is actually face to face with proof of higher intelligence and his own purpose of existence.
Yes, I am feeling that vibration constantly. Trying to understand the song of my soul and the message in the ether's from the Universe to help me evolve or dissolve! The message comes to me in pieces. Sometimes in my slumbers and sometimes in a flash, a moment, in the car, in the shower or in a discussion with a trusted friend. Not always the complete symphony or the short snappy tune I wish it would be.
Thus my painful, lamentings and writings come in pieces. I feel that the pain in my writing is too long, too often and over-rated. The drive of securing the emotion and letting it dwell within me with conscious intention is the reason for the writing. Avoidance of the raw is not acceptable in the growth process. To become refined, the element must feel the heat of the refiners fire and hammer to evolve. Those are the strikes of pain and challenge for me. The heat ever increasing to take the misleading imperfections from my perceptions of my reality up to this point in my life. It was Sue Frederick that told me "Pain is fuel" and using it to bring the divine self into reality is our job. The pain is like jet fuel on some days driving me through lightening speed evolution, while other days the fuel is slow and dull as regular gas in a lawn mower plodding along in drudgery and duty. This pain is still pain, whether jet fuel or daily fuel that keeps me going and feeling alive, changing and working through my existence.
Then out of the blue, I am hit with a symphony of joy and knowing, a relief from the pressures of my pains, with a shot of joy. That shot of joy makes it all worthwhile, all so do-able. When a smile is not enough, but only joyful tears are enough to do my soul justice. Shaking, joy, bliss on a cellular level each rampant strand of energy shooting through my heart is more than electric. Sometimes it comes at the sight of the stunning Pacific Northwest mountains, sometimes seeing a full moon through the tall noble firs at night. Then others it comes from somewhere within me and within my soul that was always there and I had not allowed it to surface to my consciousness. Keeping it repressed, kind of like a root cellar waiting for me to slow down and throw open the doors to allow the light into my soul and consciousness. Breathing air and light into the darkness of my soul and into my awareness. Seeing the dust release from my heart and mind, as it sprinkles around and in between the rays of sunlight and moonlight.
As if passion were a pill one could take, I would have a complete prescription for a daily dose. Regulated by my society and tempered by the food and drug administration. But alas, I do not have the dosage right by society's standards. "Too passionate" was the feedback I got from a past job interview. I laugh at it now thinking back, how unbridled I was when I spoke from my heart and yet those in the midst of it most couldn't handle my passion. The volume was too loud, too high and too real. It is funny now to see how I tempered it to fit, to be salable to those around me. I used the passion of my journey to evolve within an industry that was in no way ready for the divine passion I have been designed to fulfill. I know now ,that my light is more than some can handle. I know stepping into my truth, that I am designed specifically to be the strong passionate creature of my own evolution. No bars, no template to keep me in. Whether it be pain or joy or fury of passion, it is just as it should be. Inspiring myself, my soul, my consciousness to stand tall in its place and bringing my awareness into the front of the world. Free at last to radiate the purpose of what my heart longs to be. That unbridled creature by design with complete power and love. Showing myself the deepest forgiveness and compassion, I have wrapped my arms around the pieces of me that were fractured, weak and sore. I am now seeing the complete vision of who I am to be. I hear the symphony from my heart. Capable of dancing for the first time in my lifetime to the song of my soul and with joyful tears in my eyes and a heart bursting with passion that I can't describe.
Now the muse is within me rather without. I no longer have to wait for it to come to the surface. I am now rewritten to have a shortcut to my muses.
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