Sweaty hands and pedaling as fast as I can!

The spin cycle is rapidly taking me to the place of dizziness.  Thanks to the rush of understanding this past week. I am finding it more enjoyable today.  Each moment I am reminding myself to breathe, hold on and just let go of the control I have spent my entire life chasing.  The craziness of it all kept me in the constant spin and orient setting. Forecast, trouble shoot and find out when the next tilt was coming was my brain's diligent weariness on a daily basis and sometimes hourly, even minute by minute.

There is such a buzz in my head now I am thinking there has to be music that can drown it out. Finding the calm in a storm and comfort in chaos is my new mantra. Choosing not to fear and give my energy to the fear of the future is a task that feels impossible.  It is like slipping on this emotional banana peel time and again while not remembering to look the sequential times I have fallen.


Having a plan and knowing how to count to ten has to be the answer to conquering my fears.  Even if the plan doesn't work out.  At least I have a plan.  There is comfort in that.  Being able to follow my heart and purpose is shaking up all of my  previously held strongholds of thought and expectation.

It feels like riding my bike without holding onto the handle bars as a kid.  Although I am gaining momentum and strength, I have to choose my exact time to completely let go.  First a few fingers, then one hand, then more fingers and lastly my remaining sweaty hand lifts and hovers above the handle bar ready to quickly grasp at the first indication of a bump, wobble or wind.
Leaning forward, allow my focus to tighten, gaining that inner trust.   Choosing to listen to myself. Feeling that thrill of accomplishment and confidence fill that once place of fear and doubt.  Sinking breaths of anxiety into breathing a lung full of mastery.

Fearing the fall is not an acceptable thought at this junction. Knowing that I will heal if I fall is paramount. Knowing the fall is worth the exhilaration and triumph is what holds my arms up and my focus tight.  Pedaling as fast as I can. Full moon cometh and my Zap Zone storm arises in the east.  Breathing, counting and pedaling with the wind in my hair.