Ha! It is Saturday morning, the alarm goes off at five a.m.! I know I turned it off, but I can't remember the act of doing it! The alarm was on my cell phone. I have another back up alarm three feet from the bed to ensure I don't sleep past 5:45 a.m. and risk the timeliness of duties for the day. Efficiency is my best master.
Rolled back over, looking out the window. Just thinking about the time I spend in bed, most of it sleeping since I don't get much down time. The problem with me is that when I get horizontal my consciousness usually spills out of me and I pass out. There I am un-conscious to the world. The kids find this the best time to approach me for the things they want that consciously, I would never agree to. Mom can you take me to target tomorrow? Can I have spacers put in my ears? A unconscious parent can agree to tattoos if they are too far gone into the horizontal plane trip.
I used to think sleeping was such a bore. Now it is surely been replaced on the trophy shelf by eating, cooking and cleaning. When I was 18 years old I couldn't be bothered to sleep. Now I find at the young age of 45 that sleep just happens, kind of like that bumper sticker that says "shit happens!". Yes I don't think about it. It just happens. Sometimes it happens on the couch, sometimes while watching t.v., sometimes at my desk staring at the computer. It just happens! I feel at this age so powerless to it. My body craves it and my mind caves without it.
So what happens when I don't sleep? Ohh now comes some interesting facts about me you may have not really known about! I growl, grind my teeth, walk harder, sigh deeper, dehydrate, obsess about trying to sleep and watch the clock! Maybe everyone does those things but to me they are not a part of my regular routine. I like NOT doing those things!
Speaking of watching the clock. Have you every realized that kids don't know the value of a minute, five minutes or even ten? Yes I will elaborate. I can tell my five year old that the bus will be here in five minutes. No effect. I can tell my thirteen year old that she needs to be ready in ten minutes...still no effect! But if it is raining and they call to find out my estimated time of arrival, then ten minute or even five minutes is a measure from another dimension!
I have accumulated this theory about teaching time to kids. As a teacher by training and a Mom by calling, teaching and teachable moments are a beautiful thing. Although grossly underpaid, all teachers create this vastly deep commitment to sharing things about the world and learning in a capacity of being unrewarded.
So back to my theory, as a child we have to learn what time is. Usually by marking the seconds that pass we can really comprehend time and internalize it. The moment when we have internalized ourselves to time we become accountable to the the world in a way that no longer allows for us to ever lose that accountability. So time out is a good thing. It allows us the opportunity to sit and know that time is passing. To notice the quiet of space. To notice the events that unfold around us without changing by our involvement. Marking time, when the teachers or Moms or Dads tell us to listen quietly, can you hear the second hands click? Can you hear the fan or motor of the refrigerator? Can you hear the sound of your breathing? Counting those breaths, those ticks, those clicks. That helps us develop a consciousness of a second, a moment, or a period of time. Now imagine if you couldn't hear the clock tick, the refrigerator fan/motor hum. What if you couldn't hear anything? That is my theory. That learning the sense of time is a difficult task for those who can not hear. Why is it that as old people we become late? Get lost in our thoughts? Is it because we are losing our hearing? Losing our time?
After working with deaf and hard of hearing children and their families for twenty years now I get this concept. I have to make time count for it self. To make time mark its own place in space. To teach the passage of time in alternative ways that are not acoustically dependent. Modeling this for parents and students has become a passion for me. The social stigma of being deaf and being late are in my mind because of this concept and this alone. It is a learned value that might have gone untaught. Sometimes this is an epiphany to parents and people. We don't think about the mechanics of the time and the passage of time in space. So many social constructs are contingent on time and our behaviors and management of our self within time. It's a myth...Time Management! We can't manage time. There really isn't time management per say but managing our behavior within time. It was grossly misnamed!
So here it is moments later, I am wondering how much time I can hear today pass by me. How much time I will consciously mark with thoughts actions and feelings that are positive and nurturing to those I love and myself. I will search out the quiet and mark the space with sounds, thoughts, feelings and actions. I will relish the weekend and the time and space between Friday and Monday! I will make this time and space a valuable experience for me and those I love.
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