Measuring up!

It is so easy to compare. We compare when we shop for gas, shop for groceries and shop for other day in and day out items. I am thinking it is back to school time and in the course of a few months I have spent at least $420 on things to prepare my kids with the necessary things to go back to the routine of our regular life...the non-summer lifestyle. So here we are My two teenage girls and five year old son and I shopping. Comparing what is best in quality, quantity and price. Have we gotten our money's worth, will this really be needed? Is this what the other kid's will be wearing, using or is this something we can live without or make do without? There are so many choices so many comparisons. So many considerations. We lament the decision and second guess ourselves and our judgement to ensure we are using our facilities at their best.

Did you have a place in the house where your folks made you stand up next to the wall and kick the back of your heels to the wall trim? Ours was in the garage, or in the kitchen. A common place for reflection and review. Lean back and stretch your spine as far as you could to the ceiling? Did you parents mark the wall with a pencil? Write the date/name and then your siblings height as well? Do you remember the chatter? "I am taller than you!" "I grew 1/4th of an inch more than you did this summer!" All the while ignoring the load that was on our shoulders while these comments came out and were confirmed, acknowledged or denied?

Now that it is the season of reflection, I am posed with the idea that I must compare, shop and quantify myself, my world and the people I choose to interact with. How is this happening? I am not always conscious of it. I am not always thinking of it...metacognitive processes at work. Thinking about thinking about it. Is this autopilot?

I know what I don't know. I know(I think!) what I don't want to know although some of that is subconscious and I choose to not think about what I don't want to think about! (kind of like the perpetual question of "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?"). Really is that so important? Knowing what I don't know? Being mindful of those minuscule things I fear. Ahhh! There it is the "F" word! Fear! It has four letters and haunts us all. We don't talk about it and yet we live with it more than 80% of our thought processes and inner dialogue is washed in it. Elephant in the room.

Will this look good on me? I hate the idea of not looking good! Will this cost too much? I hate the idea of not having enough money. Will this bring me happiness? I hate the idea of losing time to unhappiness. Hmm some connection between the word "hate" and "fear". Four letter words both share the same vowels. Inner dialogue running amok now in fear and worry. (at least for some of us)

I used to think I wasn't tall enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough or even sillier good enough. Where did those thoughts come from? How in the heck did they make residence in my thinking and in my processes? Who instilled these thoughts and why?

In all the turmoil of thoughts and fears of not being good enough, doing enough, knowing enough, thin enough, rich enough, smart enough, pretty enough, it is not enough to be just okay? Good where we are at. Finding kindness for ourselves? Accepting the place and development for the time and space we are in? Celebrating the progress of where we are and what we have done within our own measure! Being just where we are and knowing it is the place? "This is the place!" The place I need to be for the now. Knowing that the next place will also be the right place for that now.

The measure should be a mirror that we hold for ourselves rather than a tape of standards of which to compare each other, the world and everything outside of our self.

If we are our own worst enemy and critic then shouldn't we also be our own best ally and cheerleader? Looking in the mirror. Looking at the last mark on the wall that I had measured my growth and just mine alone. I am here and happy to be here. Knowing this is where I should be and just that...I am measuring up to my own expectations and goals. Standing tall now for tomorrow!