Missing the ball...

So I thought I could accomplish lots this weekend. I set my sights and took two steps forward. Along the way I felt invigorated that I would succeed. There was much at stake at times and other times it was an easy win/win situation. It was necessary for me to see that some things were going to be easy and some things were going to be hard.

It is Sunday night and I realize I missed the ball. I wanted to accomplish all things and I had expectations of doing it all and performing at my best. I look back and realize that there is just that moment of knowing something went wrong. Something that gave me the feeling of missing the ball. The thing that slipped through my fingers and made me stop and think...was that what I think it was? Should I have responded differently? Did I say the right things and do the things that made the universe fall into place according to my wishes?

Nope. Nada! Missed it. Really missed it. Made the realization that it was a moment of not being awake. Thinking past it I was wondering what was the lesson of that moment? Was it to miss the ball per se? Or was it the lesson to actually feel my limitations in accomplishing all things? How is it that we can be in the moment and yet not be in the moment?

I am sorry now. I am reflecting and wondering how did that happen? Did I manifest it or did it actually happen. Wow! Stunning puzzlement. Sigh! Failing again at being perfect. This journey is hard. Not to mention being all to everyone but more importantly being everything to myself.
I want another chance, another try. Another attempt to right the wrong, to catch the ball. to throw it back to the universe and to say "Ha! I am ready and willing and skilled to handle whatever you throw me or whatever I manifest!" Just not today's game.

Back to practice. Back to the drawing board. Back to the knowing of knowing what I don't know. Back to the realizations that the self-doubts are still with me and will be that handicap until I can trust myself and the universe.

Another day, another practice. Time to wash my uniform and prepare for another game and keep on keeping on.

"Hey Batter, Batter! Hey Batter, Batter!"

Eye on the ball!...Batter up!

Am grateful for the coaching and the chance to play! Go team!